Normalizing Sadness

There’s a deep well of sadness inside of me. It has been there for as long as I can remember. Ebbing and flowing in intensity depending on the moment I am in. Born a natural empath, I’ve absorbed sadness from all the lives I’ve encountered, from the collective, and from my own experiences. Sometimes, on days like today, it feels like the depths of my sadness is never ending.

It seems less socially acceptable to admit that you feel depressed. Rage is loud, and it gets lots of attention on the internet. Anxiety is mainstream to the point where there are funny hats and stickers saying “My anxiety has anxiety” written on them. But sadness and depression? We’re taught to keep that one to ourselves. As a therapist, I can’t tell you how many times people try to hold themselves back from crying in session.

I imagine I am not alone in my deep well of sadness. Right now I genuinely feel like I have nothing to feel sad about, and there are a thousand things I can point to that makes this feeling so heavy in my mind and body. I have a good life with a partner I love, and yet there is genocide happening, wars being raged, rights being stripped, innocents being harmed. As a white woman, I am aware of the privilege I have, and my soul cries for all those who do not have the same privileges as me.

As an adult, my primary goal in life has been to GET RID OF THE SAD. I desire nothing more than to live a life of joy and peace. As a therapist, I know this is not realistic. You cannot get rid of an emotion, nor should that ever be the goal. However, I argue with myself that my sadness is less of an emotion and more of a state of being. It feels like every experience I have ever had has been tinged with an undercurrent of sadness. I know this is not the truth; it is just my depression speaking.

The other driving force for wanting to GET RID OF THE SAD lies with my spiritual and energetic beliefs: what you give your attention to create your reality. If you focus on sad things, you get more sad things.

These thoughts sometimes battle in my head, creating even more distress. When I am most authentically aligned, embodied self, this is the truth I know: I cannot dismiss the aching pain within. Sadness is not the problem, it has a right to speak and express just as much as any other emotion. When emotions are suppressed, they find other ways to come out. Disguised as anger or anxiety, the more acceptable feelings, or in the body through illness.

The best approach I’ve found is, let sadness speak through my tears, through my words both written and spoken, let it move through my body. And when I can shift, call upon Love. I imagine my higher self wrapping my sadness in Love, offering comfort and support. Not pressuring the sadness to get over herself, but to let her know she is seen, heard, and not alone.

Because I am an empath (and a therapist that sits in sadness with other people all day long), sometimes the emotion I am experiencing is not my own. That is when I need to look within, determine the emotion’s origin, and if it is not mine release it. I have enough of my own grief that I don’t need to be carrying it around for other people too.

My goal with this Substack is to normalize that we are in difficult times, and if you are feeling less than chipper lately, there is nothing wrong with you and you are not alone. How often do people ask you how you’re doing, and you give the socially acceptable answer of “good”, instead of sharing the truth—I am really struggling right now? I know that’s something I do, not wanting to burden others with my feelings. But maybe if we all start being real with each other, we can learn how to hold space and support one another better.

So here’s the truth, that you probably already figured out: I am writing this, because I am really struggling right now. I know there is goodness, beauty, and Love in the world, and I also see the opposite. Division, rage, violence, and prejudice hurt my soul, and make me want to retreat into my safe bubble, away from the madness. But I believe this is a time to be in community with one another. To create safe spaces where people can come together, work together, and hold the vision for a healthier, happier, more safe, just, and loving world. But to do that, we have to be honest with where we’re at, and even if you’re not ready to let other people witness your sad, allow yourself to be your own witness. Hold yourself, let your sadness speak, let yourself cry, let yourself feel it, express it, and through this, release what’s trapped in your body.

Being with your emotions is not always comfortable, but it truly is better than the alternative. Repression of emotion over time creates deeper sadness, deeper rage, deeper fear, and can wreak havoc on your physical health.

So today to honor and be with my sadness, I let myself cry. I wrote this article. In meditation I called upon my higher self and let her hold and comfort me. I reached out to my partner and told him about the sadness I was experiencing. And now, not to suppress sadness, but to help her see the bigger picture, I am sinking into gratitude. Gratitude for the people who love and care about me, the home I live in, the food in my house, the car I have, the good deeds of others, the beauty and love that exist in the world, and exist within me.

Sometimes sadness makes you feel that there is only darkness, but I promise you, where there is darkness, there is also always light. Don’t bypass the feeling you’re experiencing and only look for the good, because that part of you will feel invalidated, creating an even bigger wound. See it, feel it, witness it, hold it, express it, and when you feel the natural release and shift inside, allow yourself to grab hold of the good in the world. Because it is there, I promise you.

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If you’d like some support with a difficult emotion or experience, check out this guided meditation I created. It is based off of parts work or Internal Family Systems therapy integrated with spirituality. This meditation helps you to receive love, compassion, and acceptance from your higher self.